And unfortunately, it’s come to this.
I have loved you since I was 13-years-old. A 10 year long relationship? That’s a long time. It’s been a little one-sided and after strong consideration it’s time to break off my love affair with you.
Well, I broke my own rule today of reading Perez Hilton and found this little gem of an article:
Seriously? ANOTHER girl? I mean you just ended things with Jessica and rumors of Rihanna were running rampant. Sure, maybe this girl is your “cousin” or something and I’d really like to give you the benefit of the doubt but I can’t be blind for much longer.
I’m not even sure you’re that much of a stand up guy. I’m slightly blinded by your charm, your good looks and the fact that I love pretty much everything do you do – skits on SNL, your music, your dance moves, your close relationship with Ellen, your charity benefits and your clothing line.
But there are things that cannot be overlooked anymore. Just a few examples:
1) The “Cry Me a River” video. COME ON. We know Britney hurt you but displaying dirty laundry for the whole world to see was lame and not to mention screwed Brit Brit up pretty badly. That’s not to say that I don’t love the song though.
2) The SuperBowl incident. Was it really a wise idea to expose a breast on National TV? No. No it wasn’t.
3) You weren’t that nice to me when I met you in August of 1999 until you learned who my uncle was while the other guys like Joey, Lance, JC and Chris were all very fun and exciting to be around. And when I was 16 and met you again you were still a sourpuss.
4) You always seem to break off relationships by doing things with another woman. Case and point? Scarlett Johannson while you were dating Cameron Diaz; after you two broke up you immediately started dating Jessica. And now? Jessica to Rihanna.
5) Do you have issues being alone? I think you might. Stay single for awhile… or at least calm down. Please. And just for the sake of saying it: wrap it up. I don’t need you running around with a sexually transmitted disease.
I don’t know if this is just a break or something permanent, but what I do know is that I will still listen to your music in the gym and I will still apply for jobs at William Rast and Tennman Records. And I will still, without a doubt, love “Mother Lover.” However I cannot continue to love a man who doesn’t even know who I am.