Two guys walk into a bar.

I would be lying if I didn’t get slightly giddy. Okay, REALLY giddy. Like a huge, dumb smile on my face. However at least I wasn’t as douchey as the guys we met earlier in the night. Let me set the scene:

Saturday night, Bar Marmont

Lauren, Michelle and I want to go out however don’t want to dance, making this our ideal location. We walk in, grab a drink from the crowded bar downstairs, then proceed upstairs to the lounge. We take a seat at a table and start to talk while this one guy sits alone at a rather large table.

“Hey, do you think I look like Seth Rogen?”

He doesn’t. “No, why?” I ask.

“I get that a lot.” (awkward silence)

He then pulls out his driver’s license. “You know Jonah Hill?”

“Know of him, yes…” He hands me his license, which holds no similarity to Jonah except for a huge curly fro. We politely give him a hard time and laugh, thinking that was the end. Until he keeps talking. We finally ask the obvious question: are you here alone? Apparently not – three friends walk over and join him. This starts a huge intermingling between us and them. They were nice enough, UNTIL Jason walks in. Here’s what happens.

(Enter Jason)

Michelle and I tightly grab each other and whisper, “look who it is.”

I giggle that it’s Michelle’s co-star because she was a background actor, also known as “Skank #2”, in Knocked Up.

All the guys start FREAKING OUT and are going nuts about going to get a picture with him.

Guy, aka man who thinks he is Seth Rogen/Jonah Hill, is on cloud nine and goes over, introduces himself and brings Jason over to the table.

Note that me, Michelle and Lauren are excited however slightly embarrassed.

Jason is polite and says Hi, tells Michelle she’s cute (damn you) and kind of hangs out while double fisting.

SR/JH man starts asking for a picture. Nobody has a camera, except Lauren. If I were in her place I would have felt awkward because a) the guy started asking her to take a picture with HER camera and we don’t know him and b) this whole thing is awkward in general because Jason probably just wants to get drunk and we’re keeping him from his friends.

The guy keeps harassing Lauren. Lauren tells him no, she’s not taking a picture. Then she asks him, “Do you want your picture taken?”

Jason nicely says he’s cool and is going to leave. This should be the end, however it’s not because super fan is insisting on a picture. “Can you just take the picture?” Lauren does after being badgered long enough.

Not surprisingly we got up and left the table to escape these blockheads.

Anyway, take good heed to this little story. If you want to ruin your social life and look like a complete ass, go ahead and follow the directions above. If you want to have dignity and pride, do yourself a favor and LEAVE CELEBRITIES ALONE. Especially if they’re trying to have a good time.

Side note: remember Ill Bill? Well he’s not so “nice” like I said. My phone died and he kept trying to meet up with us. I was walking down the street to get to our car and I see him, so I go up and say Hi, chat, tell him I’m sorry for getting disconnected blah blah blah. Well I go home and plug in my phone and have five texts from him, all saying, “You’re just like all the other girls, mean and rude. Real cool, disconnect your phone” and other nonsense. Here’s what pisses me off: can any guy in LA be just “friends?” Are all they all looking for booty? Because I told this guy loud and clear that I have a boyfriend who I love very much and I’m not looking for anything else. I also thought he’d at least be nice and respectful, but it’s clear that if you remotely piss him off he’s going to be your worst enemy, which is not something I want to be involved with. I wrote him and told him not to contact me again, number deleted. I consider that whole thing a lesson learned.

Here’s the other thing I’ve learned: people here measure their quality of life on fame and who they know. Here’s what I want to say: WHO CARES! Stop focusing on who you know and if the paps follow you and learn how to carry on a legitimate conversation… also take some lessons on how to create a better personality because that stuff is so dense and dull. You might ask, “Well then Kirbie, why do you blog about people you’ve seen?” Here is the answer to this question: I know just about everything and everyone associated with pop culture. Seriously, it’s going to help me out one of these days. However, reporting that I saw a celebrity in a bar is A LOT different than saying, “I know _______” out of the blue at a bar to get attention. Plus it’s fun for my readers to hear about my Cali life, which definitely includes star sightings.