And the most popular Halloween costume was…

Rag doll?  More like slag doll
It wasn’t Snooki or DJ Pauly D.  It wasn’t Justin Bieber.  It may have been Lady Gaga (love her, would have been her again in a heartbeat), but that’s not who I’m thinking of.
No, the most popular Halloween costume this year was, drumroll please?

The Skank

You heard me.  It doesn’t matter what we decided to be: a cat, a barstool, a rabid dog.  No ladies, we’ve taken our Halloween costumes to a level that is at least 60 miles from our dignity, our pride and our conscience.  We can’t simply be a bunny, we need to make sure we wear a corset, garter-hose and a push up bra.  We’ll stick on some ears and a bunny tail if we remember, right?

And I’m not talking about those Leg Avenue costumes — once upon a time I thought those outfits were risque, but now they’re nothing more than a pair of shortie shorts or a low cut dress, something you may have seen at a cocktail party or moreso at a club (without the theme).   By the way, I’m going to start my own Halloween costume line.  We get it: those outfits are supposed to be sexy, but can’t you people bother to learn how to hem?  How about leaving the “Officer Sexy” or “69” off of the garment?  We might as well be have a blinking “I’m a slut” sign on our forehead with some of the atrocious words and titles they come up with for these outfits.



A salute to classy ladies everywhere

 This year I was a USO girl from the 1940s.  I made my costume. Don’t get me wrong, I like to feel attractive on Halloween (minus last year, when I went as Lady Gaga, and I don’t think you can necessarily call that costume sexy. It was a tad bold for my taste — I won’t post photos, however if you search Facebook you might find some — but it was more for comic relief than anything and I think my friends got a huge kick out of it).  This year’s costume was a nice alternative: classy and an excuse to wear a costume I wouldn’t be caught dead in any other day of the year, yet maintained the fact that if my dad saw me in it, he wouldn’t start to weep.  A winning situation for all.  If I could afford it, I’d go big like Heidi Klum and transform myself into weird crap like a robot or a gigantic serpant… something to look forward to in the future. (Isn’t it ironic?  She wears bra and panties for a living and chose to cover up on Halloween.  Hmm…)

What boggles my mind is that women feel the need to throw on a bra and panties, paint on some whiskers and call themselves a mouse (or animal of some kind).  You know, because mice are so SEXY!!!  When I want to turn on a guy, I bust out some cheese, eat some leftovers out of the trashcan, and perhaps spray on some sewer scented cologne.  Point being?  It’s a little ridiculous. 

News flash: I don’t think a lot of women dress for men — they dress for 1) themselves and 2) for other women.  Don’t go crazy here: yes, I do like to look good for that certain someone I’m interested in/dating/what-have-you.  Don’t all women?  But we get more gratification when other girls compliment our attire than when guys do, because most guys are (probably) thinking about us sexually… and it’s uncomfortable.  Girls legitimately mean it when they compliment your make-up, your skirt or your entire ensemble, unless she’s Regina George.  So why in the world do women today think it would be awesome to show up as Katy Perry: a whipped cream bra, cherry nipples and booty shorts?  Unless done tactfully (which I’m having trouble visualizing tactful dairy breasts), I don’t think your friends are going to say, “Oh my gosh! You look so cute!”  “You look great!”  “Your body is banging!”  No, they’re all going to be talking about what a big, fat skank you are.  If your friends do say these things to you and they aren’t offering you a gigantic coat to wear all night, they’re probably big, fat skanks too.  As for the guys?  They’re going to be talking about what a big, fat skank you are.

So ladies, take my advice.  Grab the dignity and pride you threw away this past weekend and work on a costume for next year that is interesting, funny and maybe even creative *gasp*!  You can be sexy without being obnoxious!  And FYI: taking some ribbon and wrapping it around your breasts is not considered creative, regardless that is might have been a craft within itself.

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