I posted a comment on my Twitter today: “Do guys really rate girls from 1-10? Discuss.” Thinking no man would actually divulge this information, I got a plethora of responses: “No.” “I don’t think so.” “Of course!” “140 characters isn’t long enough to explain…” “I prefer to rate on ‘Would you’ or ‘Wouldn’t you?'” “Guys have to have standards.”
The reason I bring this up is for two reasons: one being The Social Network. I hope you all have seen it. Otherwise, skip this paragraph. In a jealous, drunken loss of his mind, amazingly awesome douchebag Mark Zuckerberg creates FaceMash, which takes innocent undegrads at Harvard and pits them up against each other in a rather pathetic duel: their looks. Men thus could go through the site clicking on the picture of the girl they found the most attractive. Second reason I bring this up? Last night I went out to dinner with a group and the guys started talking about women. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not immune to hearing about other women and how hot they are — I’ll even throw in a “she’s beautiful” if I feel they’re right. The only males at the table, they discussed women by their looks only. “She was so hot.” “She was perfect.” “She was a seven but had a personality so it was ok.” “Was she a 10?”
Let me clarify: I know these guys are harmless, nice people, so I’m not ragging on them in particular. And while I have quite a few guy friends that have desensitized me to this kind of talk, it still got me wondering: are all guys in their 20s ranking women on a scale? Furthermore, does this happen past our 20s?! I had heard of guys doing this in the movies and on TV, but it was the first time I was a witness to it all.
I get it. Guys like to look. More than likely, regardless of if you’re in a serious relationship, you’re focused sports, partying and career goals… standard male, 20-something priorities. You’re attracted to women by physical appearance… but aren’t we all at first?
Then I got to wondering if throughout life I’ve been completely naive and didn’t realize that most men are ranking the female population on a scale. Furthermore, are men ranking women even when they’re in relationships? If a 10 sparked interest in my (hypothetical) boyfriend, would he be willing to kick me to the curb because, in his (or his friend’s) opinion, she ranked higher than me? Was this the standard for every male in the whole world, even the stand-up guys? Is this the case? Or is this type of thing an exception, not the rule?
I know we’re all young and more than any other time in our lives we’re allowed to be selfish. But this type of mentality isn’t perpetual. Eventually guys settle down. Yet with the divorce rate at 54%, you’ve got to wonder if it’s because people are growing apart and not willing to stick through the tough times, or because (mostly) men are ready to make a run for it when something better, or more attractive, rolls around. Is our generation of men in constant need of the next best thing?
I know I am not the only person who thinks about this, especially in Los Angeles, where a lot of people take the liberty to get nipped and tucked if they feel like any part of them is inferior. Any woman who is around guys who are talking about how hot another chick is is probably browsing the notion that they too are being ranked and are wondering where they stand in comparison, regardless of what city they live in. That thought has run through my mind a few times — it’s natural, even with my guy friends. But frankly, if I’m being judged by some guy that I don’t even know (or maybe I know well) and they happen to think I’m a “five with a great personality,” I’m not breaking a sweat. Are those things hurtful? Sure, because anyone with a heaping spoonful of self confidence thinks they’re great just as they are (we’re all a 10 in our own mind).
So guys who like to rank women, here are some thoughts and advice from a southern girl with values, a lot to say and cleans up well (and who has a ton of beautiful girlfriends who are going to agree with me on all the following points):
- You attract what you are. I’ve heard plenty of guys talk about how they’re looking for a great chick who has it all: brains, beauty, values and so on, but do you really think you’re going to find that when you’re busy determining if they are a seven or an eight?
- Judging other people on that level makes it look like you’re the one with the flaws and have personal insecurities
- Most women have this fantasy that any guy that wants to be with them thinks they’re they most beautiful girl in the world, but we’re completely aware that we aren’t Brooklyn Decker or Minka Kelly, and we don’t need some guy to make others aware of that too
- Who are you to rank women in the first place?
- You have eyes of your own but now need a verbal affirmation of how attractive a girl is? A standard “she’s gorgeous” or “what a babe!” won’t do? Are y’all so dependent on the validation of your friends that they have score women to be able brag to them about it?
- I think the ranking system is a solid way for you guys to boast about the notches on your belt, which, in my opinion, means you’re not really looking for a great gal to have a relationship with, but rather looking for a bunch of high-ranking beauties to sleep with
- If you’re our guy friend, we could care less that you’re ranking other chicks, we’re just hoping you actually end up with a 10 and won’t settle for a two and that maybe, someday, you’ll stop ranking all together (we want the best for you as always)
With all that being said, these aren’t feelings only women have. I’m sure you guys are also curious how you measure up, especially when you find a girl you really care about. I think people don’t want to be someone that another has to “settle” for; we want to be all anyone ever needs, which is why comparisons of this nature don’t do anything good (this kind of reminds me why sorority recruitment and beauty pageants are tragic).
So guys? Explain yourselves. Are you ranking women? If so, why? What does it do for you?