Today was one of those “weird” days at the spa/salon. When I came in, one of my co-workers gave me the lowdown on what had happened just before I arrived.
“Some weirdo called today!”
She explained the scenario: a guy calls to set up a couples massage for him and his girlfriend. Nice enough right? Then he got a little too frisky. “So, uh, my girlfriend has never gotten a massage. Would she be able to get up and massage me for awhile? How close are the tables to each other?” Um… there are so many comments I have about that but I’ll keep quiet for now. The man got disconnected somehow and then called back. “Okay, so, I want to book this appointment, but like are we naked in the room together?” “We drape you with sheets, so you don’t need to worry about being exposed sir,” replies my co-worker. “Oh, I mean, I want to be naked. You know how sometimes you want to be just NAKED in a room with your girlfriend?”
Ya, because exhibition is one of my fortes. Seriously, where do people come up with this? Fortunately the owner took the call the next time he contacted us and told him he’d call the cops if he tried to call again.
Fast forward to 5:00 at the tanning salon. I’m busy putting people in and out of the beds and airbrushing. This kid and his mom come in and the Mom is waiting to tan. The boy has to be about 15 and seems like a blockhead – he was talking back to his mom and blasting his music SO LOUD that I could hear it behind the counter with our own music playing over the loadspeakers. It was also that screamo crap that nobody should ever have to be subjected to. Anyway, his Mom asked him politely to turn it down and he said no. Then she asked him again and he said no. The third time he turned it down a little but it was still loud enough to pierce the ears of anyone in the waiting area. So as his mom got into her bed for her tanning session, I sat at the computer and contemplated saying something. Not one to be confrontational, I decided for the sanity of myself and the other people waiting to ask him to turn in down.
“Sir?”
No response. The sceamo was getting rather intense… no surprise there.
“Sir.”
Finally someone in the waiting area tapped him. He took off his earphones.
“You can either turn down your music or leave the salon.”
He gave me the typical “go to hell look” that most 15-year-old degenerate boys tend to give.
I say degenerate because a) he was one, and b) my brother is 16 and he has never, EVER, treated my mother than way in public. I think he knows if he did, his block would be knocked into next week. (A frequent mantra at our household growing up: “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out!” Although it wasn’t used frequently, it definitely got the point across. Maybe that’s why me and my brother are Saint children.)
Anyway, after that escapade he turned his music down, but not until he tried to test me by keeping it loud. I gave him a quick stare and he got the point.
This next story is still boggling my mind but whatever. A man called. Seemed harmless enough. He was calling inquire about our laser hair removal services.
“So what areas do you remove the hair from?”
“Legs, underarms, stomach, chest, arms, face… really anything.”
“..Brazilian?”
“Yes.”
I said that before thinking. We perform brazilian waxes and laser hair removal on women, not men. I think the reason is clear as day.
“GREAT! I’ve been looking for a place. I just moved here from Arizona…”
He kept chatting so I decided to ask someone to make sure. Then I remembered an incident where a man came in to get his brazilian lasered, except the man called inpersonating a woman, and it turns out he was a tranny. So he walks in and everyone thinks he’s a woman until the esthetican who was performing the service lifted up his covering and realized he had an extra part that women don’t have.
I had to break the news.
“Sir, I’m sorry, we don’t perform brazilian services on males.”
“Ugh. Great. I swear, Arizona, California and New York all do it. Texas is just living in the past, and it really affects people like me who need this done.”
Why would he need it? He is a male. Aren’t males supposed to be hairy? Some things should remain unanswered, and I supposed this is one of them. Working here has made me realize what sick freaks there are in the world. Seriously people, stop be neutrotic and act normal! It’s not that hard.
Off to give an airbrush. See ya on the flip side.
Kirbie Johnson 