Ties that Bind, Episode 1: Barfing wasn’t a part of the deal

I wouldn’t normally consider a trip to Canada a vacation, but the entire family was going to support my uncle while he was playing for the Blue Jays. It was around Easter and I distinctly remember every woman in my family complaining about the lack of vegetables in the country… or lack thereof in the restaurants, rather. We stayed in the Skydome which is also a sports facility and during our stay we got to watch a few Raptors games from the comfort of our hotel room. I was like 10 at that point so basketball was not on my agenda in the slightest. However The Limited Too and shopping ’til you drop is athleticism I can support.

I also need to preface these next few paragraphs with this: there was a TERRIBLE bug going around the hotel. Like, miserable. People were barfing left and right (and then some) and it overall was just a terrible virus hitting people like a ton of bricks. I think almost everyone in my family got it except me and my Dad.

One night the women of my family decide to do something together and alone without the children. I have no idea where my Dad or other uncles were (maybe with the wives?) but Uncle Rog gets deemed in charge of all of the kids. So, let’s count it out: there’s my older cousin Michael who was a teen, Ashley (11), Me & Koby (10), Chase & Kory (9), my brother Nick (4), Kacy (2) and I don’t think Kody was with us because he was a teeny tiny babis at that point. I remember getting ready for a fun night because nights with Uncle Rog = fun to had. A lot of it. I got a knock on my door and he was telling me to get ready and then to meet up at his room because we were all going to a movie. Yes!

The thing about this story that cracks me up is that if any of you know my mom then you know she is neurotic about knowing where I am and making sure I’m safe. But Uncle Rog let us do our thing, almost like adults, except supervised and controlled (if that makes any sense). Like walking up to his room alone as a fourth grader would result in my mom having an aneurism because Lord knows her first thought would be that I could be abducted.

So Ash and I make our way up to his hotel room to find him and my other cousins getting ready. “Alright, let’s roll!” he says in his usual upbeat tone. I was looking totally phat in my bell bottom jeans and new sweater.

We arrive downstairs and needed to take a cab (for what reason I have no idea. I’m pretty sure we had vans carting us around that whole trip), but there was not enough room for all of us in one and they wanted us to split into two. Hells no would be the answer to that suggestion – like 90% of us were under the age of 12!!! The only resolution was to pile in the cab.

Breakdown as follows:

– Mike and Chase in the front

– Uncle Rog in back with Ashley and Kacy on his lap

– Kory next to him

– Koby next to him

– Nick… where were you? Up front? I think that might be right

– Me, well, I thought I was next to the door but now that I think of it my cousin Ash might have been next to me and Nick and Kacy were sitting on Rog.

By the way, Kacy has been saying he doesn’t feel well but still wants to go to the movie. We get to driving and I’m just minding my fourth grade business when I look over at Kacy and literally watch him projectile vomit. And one would think perhaps it would go all over the person next to him, however this was the most violent projectile vomit in human history and it happened to bypass Koby just enough to land all over the thighs of my new bell bottoms. Kobes has a little bit on him but wouldn’t it be his luck that he had on a windsuit so the vom just sat on top and didn’t soak in. I on the other had was a complete and utter mess. I believe some laughter ensued at this point and I remember just helplessly looking at Kacy and feeling bad for him and then getting entirely grossed out. I don’t remember saying anything, probably because I was trying not to projectile vomit myself.

The best part is that we went to see LIAR, LIAR of all things and we were running late so I had about two seconds to run into the bathroom with Ashley to wipe myself off. Uncle Rog was trying to take care of the little boys (Kacy felt better after vomming) so it was up to me and Ash to do damage control. At this point I smelled like a rotten egg so there wasn’t much we could do. I remember giggling with Ashley and then running down the theater hall like a had a stick up my butt because I was trying not to rub the vomit-soaked jeans against my skin anymore then they already were.

All in all? We watched a funny movie and although people might have looked at me like I smelled like a trash can (I did) we had a good time. Probably one of the most endearing memories I have of my family.