I have to preface this post… I wrote it back in September. As I mentioned in yesterday’s post, I was letting worries and anxiety affect me in ways they hadn’t before, and I started to write this blog. It’s been almost two months since it was written and it’s interesting how my perspective has changed in such a short time. Regardless, I feel like this post is important to share. — Kirbie
Circumstances seem to hold mankind back. Most see adversity as a breaking point. We can’t move forward when something is obstructing the view we have for ourselves. However, circumstances don’t determine what we can or will do.
I have a very stable and loving family life. My parents are supportive and amazing. My little brother and I might aggrevate each other at times, but we weren’t those siblings that attacked each other or got into huge fights (probably had to do with our age difference), and we have a close brother/sister bond. And my extended family treats me as if I was their own child. I could not ask for a more fulfilling family unit.
But there is something that I have in the back of my mind that I think about frequently, especially when it comes to my personal relationships. I am afraid of divorce.
… Not like I’m getting married anytime soon. Trust. But as an adult, marriage is something that is actually considered at one point or another.
My mother and biological father divorced when I was very young, I want to say around when I was two-years-old. I never got to formulate a real relationship with my biological dad, but instead God brought a truly wonderful individual into my Mom’s life who I have called my father ever since I can remember. I have his last name, and I don’t consider anyone else my Dad except for him, even though we aren’t even blood related.
The divorce never really took any ground into my life until I became an adult. It never affected me because my mom and dad always made sure our family life was loving and stable, but I’m finding a lot of things are coming into fruition as I get older, I think because I am having to take more responsibility for my actions. If something goes wrong in my life, it’s more than likely a result of something I did and nobody else can take that blame.
I hate even talking about this because it’s not something I like to share. I don’t like being afraid of anything, let alone letting others know that I am feeling this way.
You learn everything from your parents and I always wonder if I’m going to end up getting a divorce. Not to mention I want to have a career in entertainment and it appears that everyone out here gets a divorce. I want a healthy, wonderful, solid relationship… but who doesn’t want that out of a marriage?
It all rolls back to that “fear of the unknown” thing. I’ve heard so many people say “when you know, you know.” But don’t you think the people who have gotten divorces thought the same thing initially? Or did they know that maybe it wasn’t the right thing, but they were settling? Giving in to their own need for security? Felt it was just “that time?” Did their partner not have a committed relationship to God? Did they not have a committed relationship to God? Did they ignore red flags? I could go on and on.
But God is mighty. And like I posted before, there is a plan for everyone. Nobody is perfect, and maybe God was leading them out of a relationship because it was necessary. I know for my mother, it was imperative that she got out of her first marriage.
I’ve been doing a lot of soul-searching on this. Why do I feel this way? Of course, I turned to prayer and scripture and have made some amazing revelations.
Did you know that you’re above your circumstances? It all depends on your attitude. Just because it’s something that has happened in the past doesn’t mean it’s going to continue. The buck stops here. But while God is the one making it happen, it requires a change of attitude on your part. Stop dwelling on what you can’t control and what you do not know. What is the point of living the life if we know all of the answers and outcomes? Do not be fearful. Be resilient. Don’t let your past affect your present or your future. Live life whole-heartedly in God’s will and know that you will be guided and protected throughout any wrong-doing or any injustice. I don’t believe divorce is a dire circumstance, however, it can really take it’s toll on a person, whether it be a child, a mother or a father. It’s worth knowing that divorce isn’t genetic or inherited.
“Sitting around thinking about what you can’t change and worrying about all the wrong things.” That’s a quote from a Carrie Underwood song (love, love, love her) and it’s so true! You can’t change the past. But you are above your circumstances. They don’t rule your life.
This means for everything in your life. Not just personal relationships, but also career endeavors. Just because you went to school for something doesn’t mean you can’t make a career out of something else. Examples include Emily Giffin (lawyer turned author), Ben Silverman (History major turned NBC exec), Kurt Warner (stocked shelves at a grocery store and is now a retired NFL quarterback); Cory Monteith was a telemarketer, Katy Perry lived in her car at one point, and Robert Downey Jr. used to be a drug addict who served plenty of times in prison. God can make things turn for the better.
I’ll give you an example not using Hollywood-types (a true story, by the way): Mary Kay was a fugitive. She carried a shotgun with her at all times and she even made the FBI’s Most Wanted list. This woman wasn’t kidding around. However, in 1972, she was arrested and had 11 federal indictments against her as well as 35 other charges. Things were looking bleak for Mary Kay’s life.
However, she concludes that God intervened, turning her 180 sentence into only six years. While in prison, Mary Kay was allowed to leave her cell to attend Sunday School. There, she had a revelation that made her realize her heart was cold, bitter and hardened. From there, she decided to dedicate her life to God.
She was paroled in 1982 and was appointed Director of Prison Fellowship, where she was asked to instate a Christmas program for the inmates. Every year, volunteers would donate tolietries to the women, whom would wrap the bars of soap, toothpaste and shampoo bottles and give to their children. May Kay found that instead of being upset that they didn’t get toys, the children were ecstsatic. From there, she founded the Prison Fellowship’s Angel Tree, an organization that’s been running 30 years strong, ministering to the children and families of inmates.
See? This woman was on the FBI’s Most Wanted list! And now her life has taken a turn for the best. She rose above her circumstances.
Rise above! You don’t know what’s waiting out there until you actually seek it.