Miss New Booty

All of you know that, ahem, I am not “lacking” in the behind department.  It’s pretty much one of the first things my friends would tell you about me if you asked.  Kirbie has: a bubble butt, a sparkling personality, a huge heart, a ton of money, no insecurities whatsoever… a girl can dream, right?

Today I had my first-ever personal training session and let me tell you something: do not underestimate people who have personal trainers.  These types of people are hardcore; undeniably dedicated to their body.  I don’t know if I am that person.  I’m going to try to be at least.

Anyway, I just signed up for a new gym so I’m taking advantage of the free PT sessions.  I used to go to a gym in WeHo but let’s be honest, it’s not as fun going to a gym where everyone is gay or a girl your age.  Don’t get me wrong — I love the gay community — but it’s not as satisfying to go to a gym and know that someone is going to say “cute sneakers!” instead of “hot bod.”  They aren’t interested in me, and if I’m going to the gym and working hard, I’m not going to fret over a guy giving me a double take.  It’s only natural.  Not like I’m going to hop in his car and go home with him or anything, but it’s an innocent way to feel good about yourself.  Sounds vain but I really don’t care.  It’s motivation, isn’t it?

So today I met with my trainer.  Bless my heart, I can’t remember her name.  I really wanted a guy because I felt that a male would push me harder, however I was TERRIBLY mistaken because this woman was not going easy on me in the slightest.  I have never in my life run on an incline more than at a level three, so when she put me at a level six I was a little terrified.  Now I know why Giulana Rancic is so skinny: she runs at a level 10 incline at level eight pace (I’m not stalking her.  I read her blog).  Yikes.

After getting to my target heart rate, she took me to the mat so we could do some warm-up exercises.  You don’t realize how out of shape you are until you have a PT.  Ladies, you can be a waif but you might not be in shape.  Doesn’t matter your size.  Anyway, we did a billion core exercises which I usually love, until today.  They were painful.  I was pulling all kinds of muscles.  She kept telling me to lay on my back and keep my back on the mat while lifting my legs, but I couldn’t do it.  I mean I was trying my hardest and it was not working out.  Then she’s like, “OH!  You have a curved pelvis.”  Um? What?  Lady, I know you’re a professional, but just tell me my ass is big and it doesn’t let my back touch the mat.  I can handle it.  However it turns out it’s actually a problem, and really a posture issue.  She took me to the mirror and told me to push my shoulders back, hips under and to straighten up.  Literally, those few changes took five pounds off my frame.  “The way you’re standing regularly is making your butt look bigger than it is.”  Doubtful, but I’ll agree for times sake.

So after learning how to improve my posture and how it’s supposed to feel when I’m exercising, she takes me down to the weight room where I get to humiliate myself in front of a bunch of men.  She has me doing lunges, arm reps, etc. and then we got to squats.  “Are you married to a brotha?”  “What?”  “Your butt.  You’ve got to be married to a brotha.  Your last name is Johnson, correct?”  Needless to say everyone around me got a huge kick out of that one.  The thing is is once you embrace parts of your body that you’re insecure about, you’ll be a lot happier.  Heck, I’m sure Kim Kardashian wasn’t always thrilled about the size of her booty and now that thing is making her some serious cash.

After subjecting myself to a ton of pain (a lot of gain…), we ended the session and while I’d love to have a personal trainer, I don’t want to pay all that money.  Why can’t one of my friends be a PT?  I’ll get you free hair services in exchange for free sessions.  Good?

Then I went to Step class, which I haven’t done since my time at TCU and it reignited that spark I had!  I miss college partly because I was so motivated to go to the gym every day, regardless of the circumstance, and I’d be there for hours on end taking classes and running and lifting.  So now that I have a new fun gym to go to, I think I’ll be able to get back into the routine.  It’s right down the street from UCLA so it’s comforting having some college-aged kids running around.

Now I’m off to bed so I can wake up with a ton of aches and pains tomorrow!

Published by Mentervention

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