Alright. This is going to be a tirade of all tirades. I’m putting on my “Jirby” hat right now. Jirby is my new alter-ego that was born on Saturday night. It’s what Val and Ali call me when I do something weird or get grouchy. So welcome Jirby because the fighting words are about to commence. (By the way… Jirby is spelled with a “Y” because she is completely separate from Kirbie.)
Things that really have irritated me the past two days:
Hello, Perez Hilton. Last time I checked, fighting for gay rights and then calling people “f*ggots” (your word, not mine) is the most ridiculous oxymoron I have EVER heard. The fact that you would call someone something like that, as a gay man, to provoke another human being is absurd. It’s gross. It’s so disgusting that I hope you are ashamed of yourself, and you know what? I don’t condone violence but let’s be honest here – you had it coming. When you spend your life discussing how ugly you think people are or gossiping about the latest breakup, you deserve it when things start going downhill. I like when you bring your readers new music to listen to or updates to castings; I like it when you post photos of celebs doing their thing. But some of the commentary is atrocious and I’m actually kind of surprised you weren’t decked sooner. Now, I’m not a promoter of any type of violence. But I think that includes words, because words can hurt, bruise, sting and cut just as much as physical touch can.
I’m also shocked that you would use such language after causing so much of a ruckus about Miss California and her view of legalizing gay marriage. Her views might be discriminatory, but let’s remind ourselves that she never said anything derogatory or hateful about the gay community. Yet you, as a homosexual, have. Isn’t that ironic?
And also, how about next time you get in trouble like that you actually act like a civilized human being and call the cops yourself instead of tweeting about it on Twitter. I think John Mayer said it best when he called you a “dumbsh*t.”
Enough about Perez. He’s probably feeling guilty enough.
Now on to Joe Jonas. Dear Joe, last time I checked, it probably wasn’t the best idea to talk and harp on ex-girlfriends when you have a new one. For instance, we all know a song on the new album is about T. Swift. That’s fine – especially since Taylor wrote one about you – but changing the lyrics so they’re even more specific (instead of “I’m done with super stars” he changed it to “I’m doing with country stars”) is lame. I’m sorry that Taylor gave it to you good on her press tour for Fearless when she frequently discussed the 30-second phone call. But guess what? She wasn’t a tool and discussing it with a new boyfriend in tow! Please get a grip on life. Sing your songs, wear your tight pants, wear your hair too long and move on.
Alright. Those are my tirades for the day. Life is good. I have a new phone and I’m working on getting my priorities in order. Talk soon.